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Nooner's Comedy CornerPerhaps a bit Risqué ;-)
Hell, I'm going to shout if from the rooftops!Don't ya just love those TV ads for Prescription Drugs?
Sildenafil citrate, sold under the names Viagra, Revatio and under various other names, is a drug used to treat male erectile dysfunction (impotence). Its primary competitors on the market are tadalafil (Cialis), and vardenafil (Levitra). The thing that I laugh about when watching one of these companies' ads is one that says something like "if you should have an erection lasting longer than four hours, consult your physician". HaHaHa! Hell, I'm going to consult everyone. "Consult", as in "tell every possible person I know or see". HaHaHa. And proudly.
Of course, I have an easy cure for this problem: "remove your hand from the area".
 Ever run into an Old Flame of yours?Ever run into an Old Flame of yours?
I did just that yesterday.
She was one of the last girls my heart fluttered for before I got married.
Or was she the first girl my heart fluttered for after I got married?
Oh, who knows. (I'm so bad, aren't I? lol). Father's Day was a work day for me in the afternoon. I had an Open House at a beautiful historic home built in 1802. After the last group came through, I headed for the supermarket for some provisions (Now there's an interesting word. It just popped into my head, so why not just type it out, I thought. I'm not sure why it isn't used more. Seems to be more of an Old Wild West word. We tend to say "groceries" now instead. But you can't eat TP, and that is one of the items I stocked up on yesterday since it was on sale.)
Passing me at one point was someone I recognized from a couple decades ago. I'll call her Jenny for this story. She didn't look up as she passed, so she didn't see me. As I continued my shopping, it all came together of how I remembered her. Jenny was just out of school when I had met her many, many years ago. We dated once or twice and it ended quickly. It was a passing fancy for me, for I was already beginning to date my spouse-to-be -- the lovely Mrs. Nooner ;-).
Jenny was ultra-feminine when I had met her. I kind of forget, but if it was the days on mini's, she wore them, and with high heeled shoes. Early-year attractions are many times physical, don't you agree? Inner beauty may be what it is about now, but back then it was a different story :-) Jenny and I went out a couple of times for rides and ice cream -- that sort of thing. A kiss or two was about the extent of the interlude.
Now I'm in the checkout line, finished, and starting to head out of the store. She's at the end of another checkout line. I stop and with a twinkle in my eye say hello and tell this woman we knew each other a few decades back. Her first name came to me and I said it with a question to elicit a response. It took her several seconds to put it all together, but she smiled and remembered where I had worked. I told her what I do now, handed her my business card (I'm always advertising my business .. HaHaHa), and parted with the words "I hope we can catch up some day". Hmmm, I wonder if she will call or Email me as a followup? Might be fun to learn what she ended up doing in life, etc. Have you ever run into someone you dated many years ago and thought it would be fun to meet and catch up?
Sorry. No juicy ending for those of you who thought I was headed there today. At least, "not just yet" ;-)
Geographic TongueSo, I'm in the dentist's chair the other day ...
... and my dentist says I have a Geographic Tongue. I'm not sure I understand it completely yet. It has something to do with a slight loss of taste buds (actually Papillae) as a result of these circular bands of something-or-other and white lines that move or change over time. I believe it may be called benign migratory glossitis. It doesn't bother me. Frankly, I don't even notice it much. He gave me a mouthrinse to use to eliminate it or keep it in check. We will see how things turn out. But, this is a comedy site, and I am not writing this to educate you all ;-)
I find things to smile or laugh about nearly every hour of the day. I enjoy smiling about lots of things. It gets my mind off day-to-day tribulations of life, if just for a few minutes, and/or it is a positive mood-adjuster and just picks up my spirits overall.
So, here was what was funny to me.
My dentist is from Greece, I think. He's a young guy, maybe 30 or 35. He's very serious, and just a nice guy overall.
In the room was his assistant, Kristin. I had only just met her. She was perhaps mid to late 30's and was flirtatious from the start of my appointment. I could see it in the gleam in her eye and how she liked to throw around the "hun" word. I enjoyed her self-assurdness.
My dentist tells me I have Geographic Tongue. I, of course, ask what it is. Kristin wasn't entirely sure, either, and joined in the conversation. A minute to two later my serious dentist tries to add some humor and says to Kristin "his tongue has been around the world". Now, I'm utterly-sure he had no idea the sexual connotation of what he just said, but I could tell Kristin sure did by an immediate smile and glance over to me. I "bit my tongue" (not literally, just figuratively) and didn't say a word in response, being the polite and proper person I am in real life ... lol. I just moved my eyebrows and smirked.
Around the World <-------
My guess is some of you are World Travelers. HaHaHa!
Me? Oh, I'm so innocent! Anyone care to teach me the ropes? ;-)
Apathy is the greatest danger to our freedomWe live in the Land of the Free...
Only because of The Brave
I've taken Elaine's comment below, together with her Snopes reference, to make some changes. All the following quotation references to the men mentioned here are more-than-likely quite fictitious, but I find "the writing" and theme interesting nonetheless, as it was written "by some human being" (i.e., Author Unknown) regardless if the people quoted herein are real or not. Anything here in BOLD BLUE are changes I made after seeing the Snopes report to make it "somewhat" more likely.
Following is a cut and paste from a circulating Email.
The Email I received was titled "How long do we have?" (the Snopes report had it being circulated on the Internet as another title, but you know how things get changed after being forwarded thousands of times .. lol).
Interesting "spin".
In essence it is about "a democracy countdown".
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, (this is probably fictitious, but "the overall read" was interesting to me) had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier: "A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.
"A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generous gifts from the public treasury.
"From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.
"The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years.
"During those 200 years, those nations always progressed through the following sequence:
1. from bondage to spiritual faith;
2. from spiritual faith to great courage;
3. from courage to liberty;
4. from liberty to abundance;
5. from abundance to complacency;
6. from complacency to apathy;
7. from apathy to dependence;
8. from dependence back into bondage"
Professor Joseph Olson of Hamline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, (Again: this is probably fictitious, but "the overall read" was interesting to me regardless of who wrote the following items) points out some interesting facts concerning the past 2000 Presidential election:
"Number of States won by:
Democrats: 20
Republicans: 30
"Square miles of land won by:
Democrats: 580,000
Republicans: 2,427,000
"Population of counties won by:
Democrats: 127 million
Republicans: 143 million
"Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:
Democrats: 6.5
Republicans: 4.1"
Professor Olson ("cough, cough" yet again) adds: "In aggregate, the map of the territory Republican-won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country. Democrat-territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare..." Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the "complacency and apathy" phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the "governmental dependency" phase.
If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called illegals and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA in fewer than five years.
Author Unknown
The Underage DrinkerWARNING! THIS BLOG IS FOR OVER 18 ONLY Dancing is her passion. So he simply said "I'd like to come see you dance someday!"
The best things in life seem to happen when you haven't planned it. And that's what happened a couple days ago. Rick finished up his work day at 4:00 p.m. Two times a week he likes to stop for a couple of drinks at a restaurant in town that has a great bar. As he came in, he noticed two groups of two sitting at opposite ends of the bar, so he just grabbed a seat in-between. With no one special to talk to, there was a TV there to watch and it was tuned into ESPN. Laura, a relatively new bartender there, remembered Rick from last week's visit and served him a whiskey on the rocks. She then went and continued her work of cutting up two lemons for her upcoming night shift.
Minutes later she came back to check on Rick. He ordered another. She started up the conversation that soon developed with "How was your day?". As the talking developed into different topics, Rick felt this was very nice of her to be attentive and to stay and talk. He was about 30 years older than she was, and actually knew her age. Twenty. Not old enough to drink alcohol in this state, yet old enough to serve it. He learned that tidbit of information the week before when he listened in to her conversation by a couple of guys apparently hitting on her on her first week on the job. They asked Laura her age. That info became filed in a brain cell of Rick's.
He couldn't blame the guys from last week from trying to get as much information about "the newbie" as they could. She was very, very pretty. Dirty blond hair that didn't fall below her neck. It was a very cute cut. The work outfit there is all black, with the shirt being a polo with the restaurant logo on the breast. Hers fit perfectly he thought yesterday, as he was looking mostly at her beautiful green eyes as she talked about her final exams last week and what a relief it was to have her college year over. She said she was excited as her love is aerobic dancing and she can now take three dance classes a week instead of two. Next, she asked him if he lived in town, and Rick said he was in the next town over. He returned the question to learn she had an apartment 10 minutes away. She lives alone, he thought. His mind was beginning to wander. Laura pardoned herself as she left to refill drinks of the other patrons.
When she came back, she wore a smile again and stopped to face Rick and chat some more. He said to this young thing that was capturing his imagination "I'd love to come watch you dance someday". Who would have guessed that there was no better pick up line than that one. Her face lit up like holiday fireworks. "You would?" she said excitedly. "No one has ever said that to me before! Wanna come see me tomorrow at 2 p.m. at my dance school?"
Though wearing a workout outfit, watching her that next day was music to his eyes. She was in perfect shape, a far cry from his chubby appearance. Oh well, he thought, it is at least nice to look at her curvaceous form. He stayed until the end of class and she came over to thank him for coming. "This was just great to come see you dance", he said. "Wanna stop before you go home and I'll buy you a drink?", he added. "I'm only 20!" she said. "I can't drink at a bar!", she laughed. "But I have some whiskey and gin at home. Come on over and we can have a drink there!".
With drinks in hand, Laura said to him "This is kind of funny having you at my place. You are older than my father." Rick thought of something kinda cute to say and came up with "Oh, big deal. All men feel the same way when they are behind you". She tingled at the doggy-style visual and came over to sit beside him. He leaned over to kiss her. She put both hands on his face and pulled him to her. Their tongues danced inside the other's mouth. It was wet. It was luscious. He pulled up on her cami to feel the visual sensation of her rounded breasts. They were perfect mounds. He moved his mouth down to take a nipple in-between his lips and flip his tongue on and around it. With his other hand he gently twisted the nipple of her other boob with his fingers. She squirmed with delight. Laura reached over his pants to feel the size of his giant erection. She rubbed it from top to bottom and then rushed to undo his belt so she could feel the hardness in her hands. She gazed down at his manhood while she massaged it up and down with two hands. Feeling him leak his wetness, she rubbed it all over and went down to taste it. She was in ecstasy as she gobbled him up and massaged his jewels with her fingers.
Five wonderful mouthful minutes followed before he signaled he wanted to taste her wetness that was in his fingers all this time. He had felt all the folds with his fingers and thumb and now wanted to have his tongue dance inside her. He twirled the tip of his tongue as he drove it up and down her slit. He pushed her thighs up into the air so he could lick her other entrance and give her a quick and unexpected sensual thrill. Ready to mount her, he flipped her over on the couch and pushed in with a gush. Sweet surrender; what an aerobic workout this day turned out to be. Thank goodness the legal age of drinking is 21, he thought.
To be continued ... Online is so much fun!The Voting Polls are now closed ... And the results are in.
I got a big kick out of reading the comments to my last blog.
Quickly: 1.
I've been down-in-the-dumps a lot lately. Comedy, however, picks up my spirits. I'm glad I sat down for a half hour on Monday morning to create a blog comedic piece. While writing, my mind got taken away from all the day-to-day stuff that has added to my low spirits of late. I think what encouraged me to write a goofy piece and feel good is that I woke Monday with the anticipation that our daughter was traveling to our state to stay and visit with us for two days. All of us in parenthood love our little ones. They are our Pride and Joy.
2.
We had a great time together!
3.
I feel bad I have not blog-walked with any frequency. I have a great time when I do go around and read every-one's stories. Sharing in others' lives or writing creations is enjoyable. Though I'm rushing right now to get a few lines out and rush out the door, I'll be going around again this week. Morning Coffee time in the solace of the quiet here before I get totally immersed in work and family affairs is the time I usually enjoy on the Internet and getting around to others.
4.
Writing out the bizarre funny bits that pop into my mind is so damn enjoyable. Not only do I find it relaxing to weave a fantasy and not think of other things while doing so, but I then find myself laughing at myself for hours or days later!
Take the last blog for instance. I had fun making all that up, yes. The Name Creations were interesting to dream up. 'Pedicuria' seemed to flow nicely, so I gave the guy a French name. Manuel Sandalista came to mind to get a surname to flow after the word 'sandal'. The "ista" felt latin, so I came up with 'Manuel'. Then there was the Pierre Le Perv and Phoote Fetishski guys. HaHaHa. Frankly, I found it interesting how in two or three comments people were laughing more at Phoote Fetishski than my favorite. The name that has been making me laugh several times a day when I'm out driving around or wandering around stores doing errands is Pierre Le Perv. I have found myself every couple of hours just thinking of that name in my head in the middle of the day and laughing to myself! I wish I was on the SNL staff. If so, I think I'd do some character sketches with a name like that one. HaHaHa.
5.
Off and Running.
Noonie has to switch gears and be serious this afternoon. Work beckons.
 How Was Your Mother''s Day?Oh wow, I just remembered, I forgot to thank ....
\
On Mother's Day, yesterday, I mentioned my gratitude to many women in my life that I just adore: my Mom, grandparents, aunts, friends, etc.
But in the rush to complete that blog, I forgot to remember two people who have enriched motherhood, as well as womankind overall. Gentlemen, I think we need to tip our hats to two rarely recognized men who have made life so much more enjoyable for women, and for admiring males ...(Like me! HaHaHa. I'm such a Pig, as you will soon see!).
First, is a chemist Frenchman named René Pedicurias. Back in 1672, Monsieur Pedicurias is credited with being the originator of the cosmetic care of a woman's foot. His idea was to use a pumice stone to smooth the foot for a look of elegance, and then add a red enamel paint to the toenails for a look of .... how do the French say it? ... a look of Oooh La La! Men were so excited with the new haute couture look that they would often parade down the famed Champs-Elysées in Paris chanting "Vive la pedicure!". (Interesting Side Note: At that time, the word "pedicure" was not in the English vocabulary, so they thought that word had something to do with the country itself, thus our early history books translated that chant to "Vive la France!".)
So popular was the new look that in 1686, the French legislature honored René Pedicurias with an award that was presented to him by, Pierre Le Perv, president of his fan club. So enthralled with René's creation was Monsieur Le Perv that he spent the majority of his later years eyeing just about all females who passed by him (Wow! Maybe I have a little French in me. I think I may be related to this guy!).
Second accolades and additional thanks goes to Manuel Sandalista, a Mexican door-to-door shoe salesman who, in 1774, came up with the idea of "opening up" the woman's shoe and creating an open-toed look. Voila! The "sandal" was born! Latin blood boiled excitedly when Señor Sandalista showed his new idea to the public, especially when the models he hired to promote his new shoe also wore "a pedicure" in combination. He named his new open-toed creation "zapata" (though we now know that shoe by Manuel's last name as "a sandal"). Men were so excited by the combined look of the sandal and the pedicure that they would often parade through famed Garibaldi Square in Mexico City chanting "Viva Zapata!".
History is so darn interesting, don't you think? My | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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