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To Catch a PrepatorDecoy: Come in Noonie and have a seat at the breakfast table. I'll be right back. I'm putting a load of my husband's clothes in the dryer. Help yourself to those freshly-baked sugar cookies you see. I poured you a glass of milk and added some Hershey's chocolate syrup.
Noonie: Cookies and milk? Oh boy, my favorite noontime combo! I'm so hungry too. I rode for nearly five hours this morning on a Greyhound bus to get here, and didn't have one thing to eat!
Chris Handsome: (walks in door of kitchen with a copy of Blogs and Comments in his hand) Hi. It looks like you have big plans here this delightful afternoon. Why don't you have a seat right here (points to breakfast table).
Noonie: Oh God, yes. I DO have big plans! I've been day dreaming of [enter your name here if you are female and an online friend of mine] for ages!
Chris Handsome: You've been blogging with this person for 21 years now. How old did you think she was?
Noonie: Well, she said she was 59. But now that I see her, I think she looks more like 39. Amazingly beautiful eyes, don't you think? Oh... and what a smile!
Chris Handsome: We will get to that in a minute. But first, I want to ask you... do you think it is right to blog and comment with women in their twenties, thirties, forties and fifties from all over the world?
Noonie: Well.... yeah.
Chris Handsome: And I see you are dressed in khaki pants, a golf shirt, and Sperry Topsider boat shoes without socks. Do you see anything wrong with that?
Noonie: (looks down at what he is wearing, then says...) Well, no. I've been wearing the same outfit for probably close to 40 years. I can't help myself. A few years ago I went to Preppies Anonymous to try their 12-step program to try and kick my habit, but everyone there looked the same as me, so it didn't work out. I have improved, though. See? I don't have a small alligator patch logo on my shirt anymore! My golf shirts are now as plain as day! Two words: Lands' End!
Chris Handsome: And what else did you bring?
Noonie: Er... a backgammon board, and a bottle of Victoria's Secret Strawberries and Champagne hydrating lotion from their Secret Garden Collection.
Chris Handsome: And what exactly were you planning to do with the hydrating lotion?
Noonie: I promised her a Lower Leg and Ankle Massage, if she played her cards right of course.
Chris Handsome: Just her ankles and legs? You expect me to believe you weren't going to massage her feet too?
Noonie: Well.... maybe. But just the heals of her feet, I swear!!! I wasn't going to gook up all her toes with that sweet, scented lotion... honest! Hey, did you notice her manicure? She said it is called Bolivian Red. Pretty kewl, huh? OMG.... I just noticed! My shirt is Bolivian Red too! What an amazing coincidence!
Chris Handsome: Nooner, I have a copy here of the comments you have traded with over 40 women, and only 2 men I might add. Here's one with someone who calls herself Lola, just to name one of many, in which you two are always talking about fine art or movies. Do you care to explain yourself?
Noonie: Oh, that one. Yeah, she's a young thing. Lola, and also that Julz kid from South Africa, are probably my youngest online friends. Lola describes herself as a geek. I doubt it. She's pretty interesting to listen to. Hmmm... I shouldn't end a sentence with the preposition word 'to', should I? I bet if I asked Carol, she'd know. She's one smart cookie.
Chris Handsome: And, a woman called Kerrie from Australia. Do you really expect me to believe you talk to each other about your pet cats all the time?
Noonie: Well no, we did natter a bit too about the Melbourne International Film Festival this week. I know how it might look to you. But believe me, I've never done this before!
Chris Handsome: I see here that someone named Beth ends all her comments to you with the letters xoxo. Do you care to explain to me what that means?
Noonie: YES! That one likes me, I think. She's from the UK. Damn, all the good ones live oceans away it seems. Have you looked at the kewl pictures of the English countryside on her space? Pretty darn neat, I'd say.
Chris Handsome: And what exactly is a heather duster?
Noonie: Oh. That comes from a very humorous gal... I keep working in the words feather duster into my comedy blogs when I include a sex bit, but she changed it to heather duster after her name Heather. Clever kid.
Chris Handsome: But.... she's NOT a kid. She is 39 .. and has been for three years. That's my point! You are friends with women of all ages.
Noonie: I know. But, I don't have any in their seventies yet. I know I should. I'm an Equal Opportunity Blogger, you know. I treat 'em all the same... I lust for each and every one.
Chris Handsome: Alright. Well Nooner, there is something you should know. I need to tell you that I am Chris Handsome from Dateloin MS-MBC. And, we are doing a story on aging preppies who try to trade comments on spaces with women from around the globe. Is there anything else you want to say? If so, now is the time. Otherwise, you are free to leave right now.
Noonie: Just one thing. I love this house! Are the owners planning on moving? If they are, I'd love to be interviewed for the job of selling it.
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